


CDXLVII. Wish you out of the woods

by Ex-Genesis (SevlinRipley)



Category: Disney Live Action
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 06:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11053047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevlinRipley/pseuds/Ex-Genesis
Summary: It must be bad at home... Shawn'sreallybeen out of it. Cory's job is to pull him back in."Out ofthe Woods" - Nickel Creek[Please read the notes first.]





	CDXLVII. Wish you out of the woods

**Author's Note:**

> Canon divergence is that Topanga really moved and didn't come to live with her aunt. They're _almost_ out of high school in this piece. Episode "[Road Trip](http://boymeetsworld.wikia.com/wiki/Road_Trip)" takes place before this fic, and Shawn was not staying with Jack, perhaps his mother who is always gone.
> 
> I'm kind of embarrassed about this fic... PROBABLY no one else is going to feel this is IC because it's too over the top and dramatic. Look all I can say is that I have a lot of feelings, and I'm a very over the top kind of person. So my sincerest apologies to the boys if I took my emotions out on them and made their characters unsavory or any way NOT them. I legit cried while writing this and I don't even know what to do with it honestly. I just wanted to write a fic with Cory/Shawn at first but didn't know what to do, and then I of course want it to be cute and have lots of sweetness, and instead wind up totally obliterating them? I'm going to die. I don't know what's wrong with me.
> 
> [lol I just re-read it ;_; i'm so embarrassed but I mean every word of this fic i don't care judge me.]
> 
> -SPOILERS I GUESS-
> 
> Can I just write an unlikely next chapter where Shawn rushes into the school and kisses Cory, gauges Cory's reaction (which is a self-surprising whatthefuckhelpthat'samazingquestionmark) and then tells Cory he believes him? and Cory pretends really really well like he actually thinks Shawn means it and accepts it? pretends so well he actually does end up believing it and it is actually true shawn actually knows he deserves and is loved by cory? k gr8. (lawl help. I'm so gross. Who lets me write.)

Shawn's been in his own head... like vapor, visible, but Cory's hand went right through him. Usually Shawn resists the chains that his unstable home life tries to bind him in. Maybe it's just been too long. Going without someone who can actually understand must be so isolating.

Growing up, and maturing, was required in order for Cory to be able to recognize that he just wasn't suitable to be empathetic when it came to self-involved parents who hurt each other, not caring whether it affected their children in kind. Could he bring up his grandma, who ditched him every time she managed to work his hopes up too high? It was different though; it always would be. No matter how hard Cory tried, Shawn would always deny him the ability to relate.

And why was that, Cory wondered...? Just so that Shawn could have excuses for not 'measuring up' or because he really thought so little of himself that he couldn't be explained by anyone so - human - as Cory? A wave of guilt washed over Cory for even thinking the first idea, knowing very well that Shawn had an incredible lack of self-esteem despite being so _god damned_ amazing.

Neglecting to mention it every five seconds from the moment he met Shawn was obviously a mistake. Look how his best friend had turned out, consistently throwing Cory out of his life because he didn't _deserve_ him.

Cory swallowed back the bad taste in his mouth, and tried to wipe away the grimace on his face. " _Shawn_ ," he said for the second time, more urgently.

"Huh?" Finally he looked back at Cory, turning around in his chair.

"Come home with me after school."

Shawn's face flashed in confusion. "Yeah." At least Shawn wasn't oblivious to tones; his brain was still partially there.

As Shawn faced the blackboard again, Cory's mouth pursed. It was so difficult to tell whether he should make light of everything, or show Shawn just how serious he was. One minute detail could turn Shawn off so fast the switch would break. Now, it wasn't for nothing that Cory had learned how to be persistent, super glue and magnetic at the same time, but it was still a frustrating and hurtful phenomenon he'd rather not go through.

Huffing out a hot breath from his nose, Cory was just grateful school would be out in a few minutes. He could watch Shawn like a hawk and make certain he didn't have any funny ideas about 'forgetting' Cory's request.

 

At home, they dropped their packs off in Cory's room, at Cory's behest. Shawn was just going to leave his in the kitchen, but Cory mentioned his parents being on a cleanliness tangent. Shawn had furrowed his brows at that; Amy had never minded before, but _whatever_. Then they watched T.V. in silence down in the living room. At one point Cory fixed them sliced apples with peanut butter, and gave Shawn a weird _non_ -look as he handed over the plate. It made a lump form in Shawn's throat, and some of his nerves woke up. Blinking, he tried to shove it off, but the apples were harder to chew, and even harder to swallow as they finished off another hour of a truly awful horror movie. Neither one of them jumped once, or reacted in any way. At all.

The credits rolled, and Shawn sighed, stiffly rising from the couch. "Well, I better head out -" he started, turning toward the stairs to grab his bag. Cory's hand anchored around his wrist.

"Stay. Stay over tonight. You can borrow some of my clothes for tomorrow. I think you might have even left some clothes over last time. Mom washed 'em."

Shawn licked his lower lip before turning toward Cory, another slight frown on his face. "You're being really weird today," he said, honestly, quietly.

Eyebrows raising, a small tug upward at the corner of his lips, Cory asked, "Am I?" He couldn't tell if Cory was nervous or amused... It looked like both? Maybe. Shawn shook his head to himself.

"Yeah, like - needy. Are you okay?"

Cory's hand fell from Shawn's wrist and he huffed out a short laugh. "Oh, well... I mean, I do need my best friend so - maybe I'm just -" Cory didn't even know where he was going with that apparently, because he shrugged. Shawn took in a breath and quickly exhaled.

"I don't get it," Shawn said, flat. "You're not okay?" But suddenly Cory seemed just fine - only extremely weird, as Shawn had already said.

Adjusting his expression to one which neither screamed 'perfectly fine' nor 'needs help right away', Cory stood, and walked passed Shawn, barely brushing his hand across the expanse of Shawn's shoulders on his way to the stairs. "Like I said. I always need you. But I'm fine. People just need their best friends, right?" He made his tone as matter-of-fact as possible, as he walked up the stairs, clearly expecting Shawn to follow.

Which he did. Albeit still bemused. "Cory," Shawn eventually started, almost through Cory's doorway, "I'm tired, and I just wanna go home and crash, okay?"

Swallowing around something, Cory turned to face Shawn, sitting down on the bed. "Crash here. If you're so tired, it'll be easier. I won't even bug you. I've got an essay I have to write, anyway. You can even have the bed. I'll sleep on the couch, or floor. Whatever sounds more attractive!"

For a quiet moment Shawn considered it, then rolled his eyes and said, " _Fine_ , but only because I don't have the energy to argue with you right now."

"Great!" Cory said, smiling far too wide. Shawn rolled his eyes again, then stripped down to tee shirt and boxers as Cory moved toward his desk and pulled out his homework. Never mind that Shawn probably had the same assignment to do.

 

Cory was elated that he'd convinced Shawn to stay. Even if he _was_ kind of easy right now, because of having so many other things on his mind. He made good on his promise though, working on his essay with intent that would make Topanga proud if she lived here anymore. It still stung to think about her, but she was a constant voice in his head telling him to help his mom with the dishes, to pair his socks so he didn't lose one, and to at least _try_ to make Feeny feel like a successful teacher. He missed her all the time, but she was still there in so many ways. Eventually he'd stopped feeling like his heart had been tossed out onto the train tracks. Eventually.

Then, he'd taken his dinner in his room, quietly slurping at his soup as he typed away on the computer. Shawn didn't budge when Amy gently knocked at the door, letting them know their food was ready, so Cory just let him sleep. He really _was_ tired, it turned out.

And so was Cory, after he finally finished at two in the morning. That's what he got for putting it off til the last minute.

Yawning, Cory shimmied out of his clothes but for his boxers and tee as well, and then looked longingly at the bed. Lips thinning into a line, Cory thought it over and then carefully lifted the covers to climb in. Since his parents had gotten him a bigger bed, it wasn't like Shawn was taking up the whole thing anyway.

It must have been that Shawn had a little too much sleep by that point, however, because he woke up just as Cory was settling in, arm curled under his pillow, ready to drift off. "Cor, I thought you were gonna sleep on the floor?" he asked, groggy but very much aware that his space was being invaded.

For a moment, Cory sleepily thought about telling Shawn to shut up and go back to sleep. Then his motives from earlier reached out and slapped him on the back of the head. "Right," Cory breathed out. He folded back the covers, and clenched his hand around his pillow, flinging it onto the carpet, ready to settle down. It wasn't all that cool, so he didn't _really_ need a blanket and he was too tired to go get an extra from the hall.

"Cory, get back in the bed," Shawn sighed, sounding very put-upon.

No, it was a trick, Cory told himself. Shawn didn't think he deserved the bed which he'd been promised. Cory had to resist the urge to confirm that by getting in his oh so comfy, very toasty, extremely roomy - bed. Squeezing his eyes shut tighter, he ground out, "Comfier here. I promised you the bed, anyway. You deserve the bed."

If not for the sleep-instilled haze over Cory's brain, he probably could have been able to tell just how dramatically Shawn was rolling his eyes at Cory in the dark. "What the hell is wrong with you today? Just get in the bed! I've _slept_ on the floor before, okay? I'm not an idiot. This is _way_ better."

Another trick. No way. Cory wasn't going to bite back and say that this was all Shawn's doing, because of Shawn's weaknesses and Shawn's sadness and Shawn's slowly beginning to disappear, etc. etc. This was about Cory's shortcomings, and _his_ responsibility to make Shawn feel needed and cared for. "I want you to have the bed. I made you stay here. You deserve to have it to yourself and be comfortable. Also, shut up. I can sleep on my own floor if I want to." His voice was monotone because he was exhausted, but at least he said what he wanted to.

With a very exaggerated sigh, Shawn mumbled, "Whatever. Weirdo." And Cory, despite himself, was dutiful enough not to fall asleep until he heard Shawn's soft, sleep-laden breathes.

 

Shawn woke up at six. _Six_. At least he actually felt rested. That was new.

The sun was just barely coming through Cory's blinds. Stretching, Shawn's arms retreated from the chilly air beyond Cory's comforter. "Yeesh," he said to himself, and then craned his neck, looking over the side. "Idiot." Cory hadn't gotten a blanket for himself. He was going to freeze to death, and not even be able to hand in that dumb essay he'd worked so hard on.

Sighing to himself, Shawn counted to three then brushed the comforter back and forced himself out of the bed. He quickly pulled the comforter around, to lay it over Cory, and then got dressed in the clothes he'd been wearing the day before. Something pricked at the back of his mind - Cory had, maybe, said something about Shawn having clean clothes somewhere. But... what did he care? No one paid attention to what he wore anyway. He lifted an arm, and smelled at the pits briefly. He shrugged. Not too bad.

After dressing and covering his idiot friend up, he realized just how _empty_ his stomach felt, and left the room to find some leftovers in the fridge. Knowing Amy, he probably had a whole set up plastic wrapped and waiting for him.

 

The first thing Cory noticed when he woke up was how he _ached_ ; his hips felt like they were about to break through from one side to the other. Groaning, he slowly sat up, looking up at the alarm clock on his nightstand. Seven. Five hours of sleep. He could deal with it. ...By sleeping through history.

As his brain woke up, another yawn and stretch of arms to the air, Cory noticed his bedding over him. He sat up just enough to confirm that Shawn was no longer in his bed. With a small frown, even though he appreciated being covered, he hoped Shawn hadn't left to go home some time in the middle of the night.

Pulling some pajama pants from his dresser, just so Morgan didn't bitch about his boxers when she came downstairs for breakfast, Cory quickly moved out from his room - not thinking to look for Shawn's pack for confirmation. Relief washed over him when he saw Shawn on the couch watching morning cartoons, an empty bowl and cup on the coffee table in front of him. His pace slowed immediately as he finished the path to the couch.

"Morning," he said, and, "Thanks for the cover."

Shawn smirked at him, watching Cory sit close by. "You were getting frostbite. I think you mean 'thanks for saving my life.'"

With bright eyes, happy to see Shawn joking around, and not quite as faded as the previous couple of days, Cory said, "That too."

"So, you gonna tell me what's going on with you, or what?" Shawn asked, neck turned just enough to be looking into Cory's eyes, searching. Clearer, too. Cory's chest thumped harder, realizing just - just how much of a difference there was in Shawn's body language and voice. How gone he really had been...

Still, he wasn't sure how to answer the questions Shawn was asking. Not without making it seem like charity, or whatever Shawn would make it into because - again - he never deserved anyone honestly just caring about him. Cory's eye twitched slightly as he looked down at his hands, folded into his lap. Fingers drumming against each other soundlessly, Cory thought.

"You know I'm here for you. Right?" Shawn asked after a minute. The sincerity... it could've killed Cory in that moment. _Yeah_ , he knew that. Why couldn't Shawn just _know_ that right back??

Cory re-situated himself on the couch, facing Shawn, one leg bent on the couch, hands stretched, sweaty, over his knee caps. "Shawn, you're my best friend."

Shawn got this incredulous little smile at the corner of his mouth, before he said slowly, "I know."

"But you don't, though," Cory told him. Imploring Shawn to really, really listen to what he was saying. "You're the best friend I've ever had. That I will _ever_ have. You will _always_ be _my_ best friend."

"Wow, Cory, isn't it a little early to be confessing your love to Shawn?" a voice asked from the background.

Chest filling up with air, and pursing his lips together, Cory narrowed his eyes at Morgan. "Will ya just go get your breakfast, huh?"

"What?" Morgan asked shrilly, before making her way across the room. "I totally support you two lovebirds!"

"Is she gone?" Cory asked Shawn, who had a better view of the hall into the back side of the kitchen.

Smiling on a laugh, Shawn nodded his head. "She's right though, man. You should know me better than to tell me you're in love with me this early in the morning. Lucky for you, I'm actually pretty coherent right now."

It was Cory's turn to roll his eyes. "I may be in love with you, but that's _not_ what I'm trying to tell you. Will you _listen_ to me for a second? I'm beggin' ya, Shawn." He was half-joking back, of course. But even the resounding silence laid eggs in his ears when he finished talking. His whole face caved into a self-scrutinizing expression, and he held up his hands. "I'm - not. In love with you by the way. I said 'may' - _may_. That does not mean _am_."

Shawn was biting his lower lip just looking at Cory, puzzled.

Cory took that in, and threw himself back into the couch, turning away from Shawn. "I give up. I'm the worst friend ever. I should just learn to live with that. Hell, I'll help you find a new best friend. Sound good? Ya like Rory from third period? He seems like a nice kid. And you wouldn't have to change very much to sound condescending. 'Ro- _ry_.' See? Even I can do it."

"What...? What are you even talking about! Seriously, something is going on with you and now - god, why'd your parents have to have Morgan anyway?"

"I heard that!" Morgan screeched, clearly having been eating her morning cereal just on the other side of the door.

"Good!" Then Shawn grabbed the front of Cory's shirt, and pulled him all the way up to Cory's room, where they could close the door. He even made Cory sit down on the edge of the bed, before folding his arms defensively across his chest and saying, "Spill."

Cory fell back, laying down on the bed before saying, "You were gone yesterday. Just 'poof.'" He made a little 'magic act' motion along with it. The sadness crushing down on him once again as he thought about it, eyebrows knitted together. Eyes stinging, even.

"I was?" Shawn asked, suddenly sounding like his throat had gone dry. Cory glanced at Shawn and saw fear there.

He sat up, sharing a similar tone, "Yeah. You were... I got scared." His chest was thrumming as adrenaline rushed into his blood stream. "I got scared that if I - if you weren't with me... you'd -" and then he swallowed harshly around the word, "Disappear."

The dumb thing was that he meant it. Like, logically someone doesn't just disappear or stop being themselves right? But that's what it felt like, like Shawn had finally decided to protect himself so much - that he was just going to - to not _be_ there anymore. Can't hurt something that doesn't exist. "I had to keep you here."

Looking lost in thought, Shawn sat down beside him, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder. His shoulders dropped forward. "Oh," he breathed out heavily.

And Cory was afraid, and maybe had too much adrenaline, and too much to lose, and just _too much_ but he blurted out, "I do love you."

Shawn's head whipped around the short distance to look at him, askance.

"I mean. I get that guys aren't supposed to say that kind of stuff or whatever bullshit, but how can I care after yesterday? That'd be _stupid_." Cory knew it was true, but was only talking to the air in front of him, not meeting Shawn's eyes. "I've loved you since I met you, basically. You're -" he paused, realizing his chest was starting to heave, and he looked to his other side because suddenly his eyes were more than just stinging. "You're the only person that - I just don't think I could be _me_ without. Not that I'm that great or anything," he added, "But... you know. It's."

Out of the quiet, barely there, Cory heard Shawn say, "I love you, too."

That he knew. It wasn't the point, though! Cory snapped in half, violently rising from the bed and turning away from Shawn, throwing his hands down. "Yeah but you don't _get_ it when _I_ say it! You don't ever believe me. You just - _ignore_ me like I couldn't possibly be telling you the truth. And to be honest? It makes it kind of hard to believe _you_ , Shawn! It's not fair! You don't _hear_ me. You never do! It doesn't matter what I say, or do. Nothing's ever good enough for you!"

He wasn't facing Shawn, so couldn't see him flinch, eyes closing harshly against the accusation. His body collapsing in on itself as Shawn made himself smaller where he sat on the bed alone.

"Hey, here's a quick question!" Cory continued, spurred on now that he realized how angry it made him that Shawn had been rejecting him, even after all these years, every time he... "If I _was_ in love with you, would it even matter? I mean really, Shawn," Cory continued, slathering on the sarcasm, as he turned around to look Shawn straight on. "You wouldn't believe me right? It wouldn't matter if -" a hand gesture was all he could offer, " _You_ still wouldn't matter."

It wasn't something he'd wanted to say. But that was what Shawn thought. 

If Shawn could think, for just a minute, couldn't he see what a disadvantage Cory was at? And _maybe_ Cory _was_ in love with Shawn, but why bother! He'd already told Shawn that he was basically everything to Cory, and yet Cory knew from experience after experience that it wouldn't. get. through. Not ever.

"My friendship with you. Has been so invalidated, Shawn. Admit it! Admit that I could give you everything I have, and you still wouldn't trust me!"

It was then... A dawning came. Cory had only saved his verbal affections for dire times because he knew: Shawn would reject it all anyway. He'd turn Cory down until he didn't have a choice. And Cory should have ignored that instinct and done it anyway because that's what a _good_ friend would do. But he didn't, and he wasn't, and he _got_ that now. "I don't deserve to have you as a friend, Shawn..." Cory was shaking with it, moving through his room toward the door. "I'm - so sorry that I can't be what you need. You have no idea how sorry I am." He couldn't even look directly at Shawn anymore, but knew Shawn was just a concave, reeling, overwhelmed shell of a person in that moment anyway.

 

Cory didn't care anymore. He walked out of the room, and asked his mom, quietly, if she could please drive him to school. Without his pack? Yes. Did he eat breakfast, brush his teeth, anything? No. Cory - _please_ , mom. Okay, I'll get my keys. And Morgan, looking at him with wide eyes, concerned.

He just hoped that Shawn didn't disappear because he'd left. But... hopefully that was what Shawn had been working toward all along. Existing without needing anyone else. Including Cory. Maybe Shawn was never going to disappear in the first place. Maybe Cory really was just being selfish, trying to save himself all along.


End file.
